Salvation Lite by
Bryan Hupperts
Jun 2, 2003

SheepTrax™ is an ezine of humor, insight, and Christian teaching, featuring the wit, wisdom and deepthinking of Bryan Hupperts. Please forward this message!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
June 2, 2003
Salvation Lite

Hi, SheepTrax!

Today SheepTrax Undercover Investigation takes a peek at the radio production session of a new produce for the modern church market called Salvation Lite. Shhhh…. Let’s listen in.

PRODUCER:
OK, people we have a schedule to keep. Ready? Roll tape, cue the jingle (MUSIC UP). Announcer ready? Good. Take One.

ANNOUNCER:
(MUSIC) Tired of the same old salvation message week after week? Does it leave you feeling heavy, bloated, and somehow not quite good enough for God? Well, (laughs) all that has changed…

ANNOUNCER (con’t)
Introducing… Salvation Lite! (MUSIC) Salvation Lite, Lite, Lite!

ANNOUNCER (con’t)
Yes, Salvation Lite! It leaves you feeling warm and good about yourself, but with none of that traditional guilt or that nasty godly sorrow aftertaste. It’s just like real salvation.

WOMAN
It makes me feel sexy! Oooooh.

ANNOUNCER
Demand that your church switch to Salvation Lite!

MUSIC Fades.

PRODUCER:
And that’s a wrap, people. Good job.

ASSISATNT:
Boss, we got big trouble.

PRODUCER:
Wha…?

ASSISTANT:
That attorney from the Truth In Advertising Bureau is here. He heard the whole thing!

PRODUCER:
Oh, no. Quick… everyone hide. (Door opens) Too late.

ATTORNEY
I’m with the Truth In Advertising Bureau. We have a court order demanding that you tell the whole truth…

PRODUCER:
(Groaning in agony) Not you again…

ATTORNEY
… about this ‘Salvation Lite’ you are marketing. Read it and weep, liar. Now kindly add this Disclaimer to the tail end of your commercial and tell the whole truth.

PRODUCER:
A little grace please?

ATTORNEY:
Grace? You’re not under grace! I am here to enforce the Law. Now obey!

PRODUCER:
(Sighs) Cue the announcer? Ready? And.. roll tape.

ANNOUNCER:
(reading fast in low tones) Salvation Lite is not to be confused with genuine Salvation and will cause many uncomfortable side effects, including, but not limited to: sickness, disease, poverty, broken relationships, illusions about your standing with God, a false sense of security, truth decay, and is a guaranteed one way ticket to eternal Hell. Salvation Lite is in no way associated with the original Salvation as offered by faith in Jesus Christ. Salvation Lite is another fine product from the hellions at Lake of Fire Laboratories.

PRODUCER:
And cut. There. Satisfied?

ATTORNEY:
Completely.

ANNOUNCER:
Hey, I have a question.

PRODUCER:
(agitated) Yes, what is it.

ANNOUNCER:
If we put this Truth In Advertising Disclaimer at the end of this commercial, who in their right mind would want this imitation imported junk? Won’t they demand the original Salvation?

ATTORNEY:
Don’t settle for Salvation Lite. Like so many cheap spiritual knock offs and imports, Salvation Lite in no way measures up the God’s original plan of Salvation by faith in the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ on the Cross and his subsequent resurrection from the dead. Demand God’s original in your life, and in your church. Demand the original Salvation.
********************************************************
Bryan Hupperts © 2003
SheepTrax Media ™
PO Box 270256
St. Louis, MO 63127 USA
deepsheep@sheeptrax.com
www.SheepTrax.com
http://www.sheeptrax.injesus.com

Bryan’s book, “A Raven’s Gift,” is a collection of oft off-beat devotional writings that address why God sometimes uses the weird things of this world to bless and teach his people. Click to order: http://www.sheeptrax.com/html/sheepstore.html It’s how we fund our ministry.

Legal Stuff: Copyright © 2003 Bryan Hupperts. Permission to distribute this material via email, or individual copies, is automatically granted on the condition it will be used for non-commercial purposes and will not be sold.